So um, a lot has happened since mommy last blogged. My daddy came home from working all summer and my brothers were sooo happy to have the family together! Daddy didn’t see it, but when he came home I ran down the hallway, spun in a circle and jumped up and hugged him- angels can still do these things you know. The day before daddy came home mommy and Jasper went to my memorial because my permanent memorial stone arrived. They went with one of mommy’s friends- Natasha. She is really nice and she saw me on my last earth day and gave me pets. They cleaned all around my memorial and Jasper laid with me in it- he really seems to like visiting me there (I’m with him everywhere, but he remembers seeing me again for the last time there). Captain doesn’t really seem to find it as peaceful to go, so mommy let him stay home.

Mommy bought my brothers identical super hero capes like mine and her friend Virgil who took all the nice photos of me did a memorial photo shoot with my brothers at a mansion. The photos are really beautiful. They sure love me A LOT! I was right there with them when they were taking the photos and they are Zuzu approved. Mommy’s friend Sonya had to come help because my brother Captain is pretty wild. They had long leashes on my brothers that were photoshopped out and mommy thought there was NO WAY they got the shot, but they did!

For my one month angel anniversary mommy took Cap on the same cruise we went on the day before I became an angel. He wore the super hero cape there too and he went right over to the same spot I sat when I rode the boat! Cap really liked it and everyone loved him just like they loved me! I was happy he got to share the experience. Mommy took Jasper to see my favorite baker and go for a hike at the park earlier that day- I’m so happy my brothers are getting lots of mommy time.

And you are never going to believe this! An article was written about me and people from all over the world have read it and commented! Mommy says it’s important to keep sharing my story- to let people know that adult dogs, shelter pups, tripawds, doggies with cancer… all deserve lots and lots of love and we will love you lots and lots in return.

https://www.thedodo.com/close-to-home/sick-dog-mastiff-superhero-photo

Well more to come soon, mommy has been having kind of a hard time lately- she gets sad a lot and tries not to cry- but I see her let some tears slip down her cheek every once in awhile and hold my teddy bear or sit on my bed- she talks to me and I’m right there; I hear every word.  Mommy, I’m ALWAYS right there- I won’t leave you- never ever ever. You don’t have to be strong all the time, but try not to stay sad for too long. I like seeing you laugh and play with my brothers and tell silly stories about me. I love you mommy! XOXO Zubear.

My memorial was on June 21st. It was a bit rough for mommy because it was supposed to be the week before, but the casket that arrived was too small. Daddy is working abroad, so mommy, my brothers and my best friend next door came and brought all my special things (my superhero cape, pillow, blanket, letter, bone…). Mommy kissed me and my brothers sniffed me. Then my memorial was supposed to be the following Tuesday, but something got delayed with the shipping of the new casket, so it got moved to Wednesday. Mommy was getting so exhausted. She said she just wanted to lay her baby to rest!

Mommy went to the store and bought lots of nice stuff to make my memorial really special. She was looking for solar lights and all the sudden spotted two purple solar flower lights! Purple is mommy and daddy’s favorite color and she said I had to have a night light because I had one at home and having solar flower lights would mean I’d have flowers that would never die. She couldn’t find a price and just hoped they wouldn’t be too expensive. When she got to the car and looked at the receipt she couldn’t believe her eyes… she’d been charged $0.01 per light. She said she KNEW someone was watching out for her. She sent the photos to grandma and later that night grandma called mommy and said she was sure I knew she’d bought the lights. She told mommy to look back at one of my old videos from my hydrotheraphy sessions- that she thought she saw the exact same flowers in the background… mommy finally found the video clip and paused it and realized the flowers that looked very similar to my solar lights were actually faux orchids (which my therapist had moved out of the therapy room a few weeks later- they were no longer in there)- orchids are mommy’s favorite flowers- she realized instantly that just like she got me flowers- I was sending her some too.

The day finally came when mommy could come lay my human body to rest. She came again with my best friend and brothers. Jasper sniffed around me and seemed okay with knowing I’m in heaven- he’s an old soul as mommy says. Cap jumped up and shoved his whole nose in my face and sniffed and sniffed I was laughing in heaven- that’s my brother. But I know he was kind of sad and I hope he knows I’m still with him. After that mommy fixed my ear that Cap flipped over and she patted and kissed me. She took the special prayer blanket and gave me another one. She made sure I had something from everyone- a toy daddy wanted me to have from my therapist, Jasper’s old collar, Cap’s blanket, and a letter from her. Then they put my earth body in the ground and made the most beautiful memorial. Mommy even made me a temporary memorial marker until my laser engraved one arrives.

She also made this beautiful spot at home called ZuBear Garden and she’s going to bring my temporary marker home and put it there when my permanent memorial marker comes.

Mommy still leaves on my night light and sometimes still sleeps on my bed in my room. My brothers will come lay next to her, but usually won’t lay on my bed- we shared all of our other beds, but the bed in our doggy room they always left just for me- that’s why they called it my room. She still loves to smell my blanket and talks to me a lot. I hear everything and I try to show her I’m right there with her even if she can’t see me. I’m sure she will share more of my signs soon.

I want her to know I’m really proud of her because last night she went back to the shelter for the first time in sooo long (she was always worried about missing time with me or bringing home germs because I was on chemo) and she and her friend who took my Superhero Zeus Day photos and some other friends took photos of the shelter pups who need homes. One dog Bojo, even sat in her lap the way I did.

She said she knew I’d want her to go there and give them love and she is right. My mommy is the best mommy ever- because she loves the dogs other people are mean to and give up on and give away. Not all people are bad that give away their dogs, but some have bad spirits- like the ones who hurt the pretty girl Desire that was at the photoshoot.

She had stepped in poo poo and was terrified to come out of her kennel- then mommy’s volunteer friend brought her a few steps and mommy knelt down and let her sniff her hand and got a cold wet towel. When they got outside where it was hot mommy laid the towel on the ground and Desire stepped on it and mommy could see her ears had been chopped and she had bites all over her whole body- she was probably a bait dog for fighters. As mommy softly cleaned her paws and legs she leaned in and kissed mommy in the face. That was me mommy- that was me. I am the hope and resilience in their eyes. I am them. My love is in their kisses, cuddles and hugs.

Mommy, you always told me how brave I was, but you were brave too. You never let anything take away my happiness. You made sure I had the best life in the world. I know it’s a little hard for you when you blog, because that’s when you hear me speak to you most clearly. That’s when I write through you to get messages to you. And guess what mommy, I even know about that special mug you had made of me that you keep at work and I love YOU to the moon and back.

Today marks one week since I became an angel. Mommy misses me terribly, but knows that she did the right thing because she asked me to let her know if I ever got too tired and needed help going to the spirit world. Last Friday I gave her the sign that she’d never spoken, but I knew because I’m her best friend. She didn’t believe it because I seemed okay. I had lost sight in one eye from a tumor, but I was still having fun. In fact, the next day we went on my first cruise back in that magical Annapolis  where I did my photo shoot for Super Zeus Day and I wore my superhero cape again and everyone loved me so much. It was amazing! I love driving with the windows down so this was like that x 100! Mommy used to laugh because every time she thought I had fallen asleep in the car, she’d peek in the back seat and my head would pop up facing the breeze from the window. I was even running around later that night, but then it happened in the wee hours of Sunday morning, my body just couldn’t handle all the stupid tumors and I became distressed and couldn’t open my eyes.

I know it was really hard for mommy, she promised I would NEVER EVER suffer- that I would always have my dignity because she loves me so much. After watching me struggle into the night restlessly wandering and unable to control my eyes, getting hot, panting she took me to the hospital and helped me cross over. The doctor told her that a tumor may have gotten to my brain and wasn’t allowing me to control my eye function and mommy knew then that the newest chemo- our last option wasn’t working. She brought my blanket & pillow and held me- she kissed and pet me for a really long time. She knew it was the right thing, but it didn’t make it any easier. I had finished my bucket list and it was time to run free.

We’d eaten snickerdoodle cookies, went and visited all my friends (physical therapist, baker, next door neighbor), snuck me extra whimzees, done a photo shoot, tried ice cream, went to the beach, made a nose mold for mom’s necklace, done paw prints with my brothers, snuggled…. I’ve been sending mommy messages from the other side- lots of them, but she still says she just wishes she could hold me again;  that I am the happiest, sweetest, strongest pup she’s ever known and my uncontainable joy filled the house and her heart- she says it’s just too quiet now.

My brothers and my best friend went with mommy to the memorial site last week. My brothers sniffed me and know that I’m their angel now- imagine that, their baby brother is now their protector. My burial will be on Tuesday. Mommy brought my superhero cape, pillow, blankets, toys and a letter for me. The Fur Angel Blessing Blanketeers made a very nice turtle blanket for me, but I crossed over before it arrived- it actually came the night before mommy’s visit to my memorial site now it’s a memorial blanket for mommy.  Her nose necklace also arrived when she came home with my brothers from visiting. She really loves it because I used to run and jump on the bed in the morning and trample her and shove my giant mastiff face in hers and sniff her really hard and loud- she’d pet my wrinkly face and sometimes laugh- then I’d run off or lay at the end of the bed- hey gotta make sure it was mommy and not a fake mommy double!

I hope that I remain an encouragement to all the pups and families facing osteosarcoma- that there is life after a cancer diagnosis, life after becoming a tripawd and that every day of my “extra time” was priceless. Mommy says it’s kind of hard knowing what to do now, because for the last 7 months she was with me all the time: at my doctor, at my therapist 2x a week, at my chiropractor, taking me to the bakery, giving me my medicine, sitting with me cuddling every night… I told her that my brothers need extra love now because they were so kind to share mommy with me so much. My big brother Jasper is very sensitive to mommy and he comforts her a lot. He patted her on the head when she came home last week and held her licking the tears off her face. She needs him. He also comforted me after my amputation. My other brother is a little crazy, but he was the best – always playing with me- teaching me bad things haha and he didn’t mind if I bumped or pushed him on accident or even if I accidentally sat on him.

Mommy is working on a remembrance garden in the backyard. I hope it makes her feel better. I am always with her, but if she wants to have a special spot I think that’s great. I hear every word she says to me and just wish I could make her sadness go away. Everyone tells her she was the most amazing mom in the whole world and that’s what I think too, she knows that, but she always says that she just wished God would have let her have me a little longer- that 1.7 years was much too short. She was watching the Long Island Medium when something struck her- Theresa said to someone else that the reason they were so inseparable and had such an intense connection with their family member was that their soul knew they had a limited time together on earth  – that’s what happened with mommy and I.

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So we got some crappy news – my cancer has spread everywhere and I have lots of tumors. Mommy is giving me palladia to try and shrink them and we go back Wednesday to see if it’s working. They say we don’t have much time, but I’m still feeling pretty good. Mommy is taking me to do lots of fun things! She says we have to live it up- that’s how you really beat cancer.

Mommy’s friend heard about my health and said that he wanted to give us a special gift- a day all about me with mommy and he would take professional photos! It was something he wanted to do for his beloved dog Shogun who passed away a couple weeks ago. So on Saturday we went to where mommy and daddy got married (they hadn’t adopted me yet so mommy thought it would be special to photograph me in some of their wedding photo spots) and we had so much fun! Mommy’s friend brought me a superhero cape and I was spoiled everywhere! All the people stopped to pet me and say how cute I was, the stores let me come inside and I got to try ice cream and go to the park! Oh and mommy got me special treats from Sweet Paws Dog Bakery who is now selling her jewelry! She uses the proceeds for my medical care.

What was so cool is that we could feel Shogun with us the whole day- everything went perfectly it was magical! Mommy says that Shogun is my special angel friend; he was known for making all the other dogs in his pack feel safe and comfortable- who are all rescues and fosters. I used to hate going out, because I was scared of the world, but now I love it! Mommy is even taking me on a cruise this weekend!! And the doggy beach!! I’m so excited!!!!

Oh, I almost forgot! The other night mommy said I should try a snickerdoodle cookie because I’m her snickerdoodle and  I LOVE ❤️ snickerdoodles!!!!

So they found these lumps on me when we went to the doctor, but told mommy not to worry that they are likely benign, but now one is the size of a golf ball! Mommy freaks out over everything (she tries to hide it but I’m a smart boy) so she moved my appointment to next week instead of June. She said I must be checked and have all the best care! I don’t want her worrying so I’ll go along with it. Tomorrow we have hydrotherapy again – I’m sooo happy!!!!

Mommys also been taking us to the doggy park! I got to go two days in a row!!! I even initiated play which I almost never do!

Best news of the day-my whimzees arrived!! We haven’t had them in awhile and my brothers and I were soo excited!